It’s so easy to make comparisons with others…physical appearance, ‘success’, family dynamics, social situations, countless others. And we can find ourselves falling short and feeling the need to be fixed.
But needing to be fixed implies being…broken. It suggests that there’s something very wrong, odd, unacceptable, worrisome, generally not ok. Brokenness.
We’re all unique. We have our own views of the world, our own ways of being in that world, things that resonate and don’t. If those are different than others’, as long as they don’t harm anyone or anything, they are to be celebrated! How boring the world would be if everything and everyone was just one color, if we all looked and talked and moved and lived exactly like everyone else, if there was nothing that stood out. Being different is not being broken.
What’s unique about you?
That’s the mindset shift…not asking “What’s wrong with me?” or “Why am I so different?” but asking, ‘How did I come to be so unique?’ and “What unique gifts do I offer?” and “How can I embrace my differences?”
And if someone is telling you that you’re broken or needing to be fixed, it’s a reflection of their own comparisons of you with others, which may or may not even include themselves. Those who support you no matter what…who acknowledge and celebrate your differences, are the keepers, the ones you want in your circle. The rest you can leave to find those who will conform to their rigid expectations.
This isn’t to say your supportive friends and family won’t or shouldn’t hold you accountable to yourself and your ideals, help push you in the direction you want to go. We definitely need to look deeply at ourselves in the mirror now and then and see if there’s anything we’re avoiding or not wanting to see. We can acknowledge changes we need to make, that would improve our lives and those of others, but it doesn’t mean WE need to be fixed.
Reinforcing the Right Things
A strong tenet of good parenting, in my book, is rewarding behavior vs the child: using “Good job!” rather than “Good girl!” The latter suggests that she’s good as long as she does certain things just right. The former suggests that the behavior was good or appreciated, and that has no bearing on who she is as a person. She could try something and have it not work out (learn through ‘mistakes’) and still be a great kid.
We need to use this same premise when viewing and talking with ourselves. We may have things we want to change, things that aren’t going well, ways that we’re different from ours and others’ expectations. AND, we’re perfectly wonderful humans.
So, what if you get rid of any thoughts and beliefs that you’re anything but perfect? Work on yourself, grow, evolve, all the while knowing that you’re just great the way you already are. You’re a beautiful, Divine being on a journey of learning and self awareness and spreading love. And you’re perfect as you already are.
If these ideas seem unreachable and you’re tired of feeling ‘broken’ or needing to be fixed, I’d love to chat about how we can work together to make that shift.